I recently talked with someone in the throes of grief. Her
husband died several months ago, and she wondered if her tears were a sign of
faithlessness. She held up well through the funeral, but in subsequent days and
weeks, memories flowed forth in both her waking and sleeping hours. Whether
they were sweet memories or difficult ones, they resulted in tears. Many spoke to her with spiritual platitudes. She was told: “If you trust
God, you won’t have to cry; there will only be joy.” “Why are you crying? Your
husband is in a better place.” “You need to move on with life.” Though, these
people were well-meaning, they made her feel judged, inadequate, and
weak.
My parents died a week apart, and their deaths came
six-months after my brother’s. I learned that the memories and emotions do not
cease when the funeral is over and the crowds go home. For the next year, tears
assaulted me at unexpected times. Words of a song or a particular scent would
bring back a special moment, and that’s all it took. Grief is a process that
plays itself out differently for each of us. Tears are not a sign of weakness.
How do I know? Because, “Jesus wept” John
11:35. Jesus related to us when He cried over the death of His friend,
Lazarus. Tears are healing. I learned to rejoice in the midst of
heartache, but weeping often accompanied the rejoicing. God walks with us
through our darkest days. And, if we allow it, God can and will grow us in our
deepest valleys, but there is no set time table. When we turn it over to Him,
He provides us with comfort and strength. He gives us a testimony to later
encourage others in similar trials. God never wastes a hurt. He’s ready to wipe
away your tears, but only after they’ve done their work of healing.
