When the Funeral's Over

I recently talked with someone in the throes of grief. Her husband died several months ago, and she wondered if her tears were a sign of faithlessness. She held up well through the funeral, but in subsequent days and weeks, memories flowed forth in both her waking and sleeping hours. Whether they were sweet memories or difficult ones, they resulted in tears. Many spoke to her with spiritual platitudes. She was told: “If you trust God, you won’t have to cry; there will only be joy.” “Why are you crying? Your husband is in a better place.” “You need to move on with life.” Though, these people were well-meaning, they made her feel judged, inadequate, and weak.

My parents died a week apart, and their deaths came six-months after my brother’s. I learned that the memories and emotions do not cease when the funeral is over and the crowds go home. For the next year, tears assaulted me at unexpected times. Words of a song or a particular scent would bring back a special moment, and that’s all it took. Grief is a process that plays itself out differently for each of us. Tears are not a sign of weakness. How do I know? Because, “Jesus wept” John 11:35. Jesus related to us when He cried over the death of His friend, Lazarus. Tears are healing. I learned to rejoice in the midst of heartache, but weeping often accompanied the rejoicing. God walks with us through our darkest days. And, if we allow it, God can and will grow us in our deepest valleys, but there is no set time table. When we turn it over to Him, He provides us with comfort and strength. He gives us a testimony to later encourage others in similar trials. God never wastes a hurt. He’s ready to wipe away your tears, but only after they’ve done their work of healing.